For many of us, 1999 surpassed anything predicted as we entered the Millennium Year. Computers weren't supposed to be programmed to recognize the year 2000. That would destroy the world's stock exchanges. Bank records would be lost. Medical records would be in turmoil. Traffic signals and airport schedules would be out-of-whack. Absolute chaos would ensue.

Remember FDR's advice: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Why wouldn't any of the post-2000 years have qualified for the award? Most of them, aside from the disasters, deserve a resounding "Ph-f-f-f-f-ft!"

If the age of the universe is represented by a calendar year, then what we know as human history may be equated to the final three seconds before the clock strikes twelve to usher in the New Year. During the existence of our human species, the average lifespan has been about 18 years and an individual has been short in stature. It is amazing that we have lived so long to reach the stage where our lives are being governed by a litany of fears exaggerated by the media. I find it both strange and curious that the incidence of "fear factor" has increased every time a political leader (mainly a Conservative-Reformist or a Republican-McCarthyist) is having difficulties. Our wily politician hopes that the gullible public will not realize that the "fear factor" is a ploy to distract countrymen from real domestic issues.

In some cases, the cures have been as bad as (if not worse than) the fears themselves. Want to go on? What flavour will we be served next week? Please remember that the empty drum makes the most noise.

On July 1 of 1999, Pat and I celebrated our 32nd Anniversary by having dinner on the revolving restaurant atop the CN Tower. [The Skyline Hotels (and others) in Niagara Falls have refused to take advance bookings for the past three years because of the lucrative Japanese tourist trade which has been attracted by the gambling casino. Guess who won't receive any business from us when that tourism declines.] In all, this was a more noteworthy peeve than the record snowfall in mid-January.

Pat said that it is Sr.Cit's day at the CNE on Thursday, September 2. I doubt that it means free admission though.

We'll be sipping a stein of imported German lager between 5:00 and 6:00 PM over at the Zum Rhine at Ontario Place, and we expect to see every last one of you down there without fail. It is one of the few times I drink beer, so I make the most of it. [Dress optional. Attendance will be recorded.]

My second Stein will be had at the same place same time on one of the three days of the International Air Show at the CNE.

Hmmmmm. It is now September 6, 1999. 12:00 PM

Well, Sr.Cit's day at the CNE on Thursday, September 2 wasn't that special, except for the "oldies" being played at every bandshell on the grounds. Pat and I also enjoyed the waffles with ice-cream even though we could recall buying them at one-tenth of the price 30 years ago.

We walked over to the site of the Zum Rhine restaurant at Ontario Place, only to discover that it was now occupied by a Lego Store. Thus, there was no sipping of a stein of imported German lager between 5:00 and 6:00 PM. What a bummer! The exhibits were also all changed around and, except for the Crafts, the displays were abysmal. We wanted to check the prices of various scanners. None! New cars? None!

The seniors were displaced from their former building, and the area of the children's rides had expanded almost to the Dufferin Gates (over-riding the site of the "Frontier Town"). The Grandstand was a new parking lot for trucks. There was nothing new, exciting and interesting.

Usually, we had something left to see on one of the three days of the International Air Show at the CNE. Not this year! And if this year's air show is anything like last year's poorly advertised event ..... been there ... done that! For all of the reasons in the paragraphs following the first one, we spared ourselves from a second highly tedious and boring visit.

If the CNE and ROM marketing "experts" don't smarten up, both poorly-run Canadian institutions will slowly die.

Why do we distrust politics and politicians? Well, let us take a wee example ..... if you can call "environment day" a politically miniscule example. The flyer for "environment day" advertised a nearby drop-off point for our hazardous waste (6 cans of old paint plus a dozen batteries) and the 5 old tires taking up space in our garage. Also, because of our new schedule for garbage collection, taxpayers on our street were offered a free recycling box which could be picked up at the same location ..... from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM on Saturday, September 18, 1999. GUESS WHEN THE FLYER WAS DELIVERED????? You bet! It was stuck in a handrail at our entrance on Sunday morning ... September 19th. I saw the person who delivered it. A belated "Thank You", Councillor David Shiner, for your belated notice. You have been equally effective in dealing with the illegal parking on our street! Welcome to the World Wide Web, councillor.

To be fair, here is the full response from Councillor Shiner's assistant.

Subject: Re: Seneca Heights Environment Day
...Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 15:06:07 -0400
...From: "COUNCILLOR SHINER"
.....To: ross-ter@home.com

Thank you very much for your email, I am responding on behalf of Councillor Shiner who is not in the office today due to Yom Kippur.

The issue of the Community Information flyer being delivered on Sunday has already been brought to our attention this morning and we have taken the issue up with the distribution company, who was contracted to deliver the flyers on Friday. As far as incurring an extra cost to tax payers, I have yet to discuss the matter fully with Councillor Shiner, however I do not believe we will be paying the distribution company, as the services we contracted for were not performed.

There is another Environment Day hosted by Councillor's Doug Mahood and Sherene Shaw scheduled for this Saturday, September 25, 1999 at the Kidstown Water Park (3159 Brichmount Road, just south of McNichol Avenue) and on the following Saturday, October 2 at the Scarborough Town Centre. Both of these Environment Days will run from 10:00AM to 2:00PM. Both are open to all residents of Toronto, and will offer the same services as described in the flyer including additional recycling boxes.

On behalf of Councillor Shiner, I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you and hope you will be able to attend this Saturday.

Rob Emerson
Assistant to Councillor David Shiner
395-6413

MY REPLY:

Seneca College, as advertised in the flyer, is a five minute walk from our home. Kidstown Water Park is not at 3159 Birchmount unless it is in or near Pine Hills Cemetery which is south of Eglinton; McNichol, I discovered belatedly, is north of Finch. By the time I arrived at 3159 Birchmount, I had used quite a bit of gasoline ..... and I gave up after muttering a few choice epithets about politicians in general ..... and Councillor Shiner in particular. I know that the Scarberia Town Centre is about a half-hour drive from our house under excellent conditions but, in view of the alleged "Environment Day" purposes, I think that it would be best if I conserved time, fossil fuel and emissions. Would David mind if I delivered everything to his front lawn?

POSTSCRIPT: We received another flyer, and obtained a couple of free recycling boxes at a "nearby" Community Centre.

Subject: Truthful answers are not forthcoming!
...Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 21:33:20 -0400
...From:ross-ter@home.com
Organization: @Home Network Member
.....To: support@rogers.home.net

Hi :)

Re: the Getting Started Guide, page 22 top.
Q: I'm experiencing performance problems. Is this normal?
A: No ....... [Really? None of the answers in the guide have applied for the past two weeks.]

Tonight between 8 PM and 9:15 PM [last attempt] I tried to post data to my website ...... Connecting to 24.0.0.200:21 ..... The connection failed! ..... This has been happening too frequently ..... and I have wasted much valuable time. [If I stay up until 3:00 AM, I might get through in 20 seconds or less with our DELL computer.]

The @Home/Netscape service is also slow, usually from 4:00 PM when the children get out of school until 6:00 PM or later when some of them take time out to eat. I would suggest that your answer to the question at the top of page 22 in the guide should be more truthful .....

Q: I'm experiencing performance problems. Is this normal?
A: Yes. Rogers is also guilty of false advertizing on TV. When transfers time out, we prefer to blame the other servers. Don't believe any messages which appear on your monitor! In reality, our proxies are oversubscribed. Due to the increased use between 4:00 PM and 6:00 PM [or later], you should expect the kind of slowness in transfers which has been demonstrated to Rogers' sales representatives at Fairview Mall on quite a few occasions this week.

I would like some honest answers .....
[A] to this email [re: proxy 24.0.0.200:21], slow downloads, etc.
[B] over the telephone (besides listening to "Press 0 if ..... "
[C] on the monitor when downloading of data takes a "time out"
[D] on TV advertizing [what a laugh!]
[E] in your Rogers @ Home Guide [Page 22 top "Getting Started Guide"]

J. Douglas Ross

[After receiving an automated email response .....]
Subject: Re: Truthful answers are not forthcoming!
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1999 14:33:19 -0400
From: "Rogers @ Home Electronic Support"
To: ross-ter@home.com

Dear Ross-ter@home.com,

Thank-you for your email. We strive to provide you with the highest level of customer support, and hope we can be of assistance in addressing your questions.

We have run several tests on your connection and everything appears to be running fine. These types of problems are very difficult to troubleshoot via email, and we recommend calling into our technical support group at the time you are having problems so we can further investigate.

If you have any further questions or comments regarding our service, please contact us by phone at 1-888-288-HOME, or email us at support@rogers.home.net

Regards,
Chris S.
Electronic/Technical Support Coordinator
Rogers@Home Electronic Support Group
Email: support@rogers.home.net
Phone: 1-888-288-HOME (4663)


MY REPLY:
Subject: Re: Truthful answers are not forthcoming!
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1999 14:55:27 -0400
From: ross-ter@home.com
Organization: @Home Network Member
To: "Rogers @ Home Electronic Support"

Hi, Chris :)

Sure ..... at the present moment things look OK.

How do you explain the slow - slow - slow transfer of data that I demonstrated to the Rogers @ Home salesperson at Fairview Mall last Saturday around 5:00 PM, for example. Try a couple of tests between 4:00 PM and 6:00 PM on any day of your choice. Then tell me that the proxy is NOT oversubscribed in our area!

Cheers, Doug ;~}

Another divergent thought just occurred to me. I always wondered how Investors' Group spent the money I have invested in their Mutual Funds. Now I know why my dividends have been so low for the past 18 months. It is ironic, don't you think, that they are currently sponsoring an exhibit of "The Titanic" down at the CNE? I heard that a fellow from TO was scheduled to be on board the maiden voyage of the Titanic, but he missed the trip because he was drunk. I think that I'll use the same excuse to miss the exhibit! Pass the liver and onions. Doug

---------------
On 9/30/99 1:34:21 PM, a friend, Alexander Campbell, commented as follows:
Hope your investments do not come to quite such a dramatic end.. [as the Titanic] , Sandy

And I answered:
Not quite, Sandy! I don't put all of my eggs into one basket. But thank-you for your kind thoughts ..... and all is not lost long-term with the Investors' Group either [I hope]. Doug

This message was e-mailed on December 9, 1999, after an unsatisfactory response from Cavendish Farms of P.E.I. on a question pertaining to the consumers' right to know what they are eating.

Hot on the trail of genetically modified foods, I have not received a satisfactory response from Cavendish Farms about their potatoes. The secretary at "1-888-883-7437" in the province of Prince Edward Island said that she wasn't authorized to make any comment following yesterday's executive meeting, but I could call a public relations at "1-506-858-7777" in the province of New Brunswick if I wished. That sounds like a run-around! Guess that I'll be buying McCain's products, because they stated emphatically that they would never use any genetically modified potatoes.

This was prepared on the final day of 1999, and it was sent by email on New Year's Day to some friends together with a cartoon.

I discovered another cartoon, which might serve as a stimulus to Canadians during this final year of the 20th century. Santa Claus appears to have discovered a significant message to pass on to his board members. Note the company logo ... two candy canes behind a huge "S". That looks suspiciously like a dollar sign to me. Is it time to reconsider the "Free Trade Agreement"?

Santa has just discovered an important principle (around three years late, as usual). While Canada can be charged with unfair trade practices before the world court by providing emergency cash for faltering businesses ... it is quite proper for our friendly neighbour to rewrite tax laws permitting "write-offs" or "concessions" for investors, who provide financial encouragement for the development of new (and old) businesses. Both methods, in my view, produce similar results in the short term. Santa obviously regards subsidization as "a stagnant retreat". More importantly, he has learned that I.P.O. (Initial Public Offering) induces "a creative opportunity" in the market place ... particularly when the new tax dodge is considered no business of the world courts.

Some Canadians, like Santa Claus, are beginning to profit from this knowledge (as long as the laws don't change). Our skilled and well-educated individuals have learned the facts in a different way; as may be noted by the increase in the brain drain. Possibly the managers of the pitiful 1999 C.N.E. (Canadian National Exhibition) and the boring R.O.M. (Royal Ontario Museum) could learn from Santa's initiative.

... and the year 2000 is proving to be almost as interesting for Pet Peeves!
Who knows ... with a wee bit of aging, perhaps the tale of Wee Wiarton Willie will become sufficiently elevated in status.